She sat perfectly still when they told her Little One, her daughter, died. Baby Girl didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t move, say a word or even blink when the cop told her they found the 14-year old\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body lying in a ditch. Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been there for a month. A couple of girls found her when they were out jogging. The Aryan-looking officer with the ocean blue eyes showed Baby Girl a photo. Little One looked comfortable into the fetal position caked in mud. Her blond hair was the only glimmer of light visible. Baby Girl stared at the picture. She traced the outline of Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body with her index finger. Still no tears. The officer was amazed at what he saw. This 5\u00e2\u20ac\u21228\u00e2\u20ac\u2122\u00e2\u20ac\u2122, caramel skinned, full figured woman didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cry, yell or simply go insane about her daughter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s death.<\/p>\n
Maybe she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s holding it in until she gets home, <\/em>Officer Aryan thought. Baby Girl couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t cry. She just learned how to feel and express happiness and that was strange enough. Baby Girl had her emotion gene removed. From age 10 until adulthood, Baby Girl knew nothing but sadness or heartache with minimal drops of glory and happiness. She never knew her pops. She doubted her mom, Lonely One, did. Baby Girl was passed around her \u00e2\u20ac\u0153uncles\u00e2\u20ac\u009d laps as her watched. Well, when your arm is deep in heroine, everything gets blurred. Each one having their way, until she was 16 and Baby Girl left. She remembered one day Lonely One asked her brother-in-law to baby-sit so she can go to the market.<\/p>\n When she returned, Baby Girl wept frantically. Lonely One saw her brother-in-law adjust his shirt inside his pants. Lonely One attacked him. She left deep bloody scratch marks on his dark face, shoulders and arms. He grabbed her wrists and told her to chill. Lonely One still fought, getting blind by her hot tears. Brother-in-law pushed and walked away.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153What did you think would happen? Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t act all surprised and clean cuz you ain\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n He stormed off leaving two women alone in the dark. An hour later, Lonely One took Baby Girl to Dr. Newlife. A special kind of doctor who deals with the emotional side of the human spirit. Or, lack thereof. Lonely One read somewhere about Dr. Newlife is able to remove the emotional gene, or emo, of the soul in people who have severe emotional trauma. This surgery is free to the community for low income individuals, since they are most likely to suffer from personal turmoil. Lonely One thought this would save Baby Girl. It was too late for her but Baby Girl has a chance. Luckily there was an opening and they went to see Dr. Newlife. After filling out the paperwork, Baby Girl was in surgery for 3 hours and her gene was successfully removed. She was 14. The doctor explained that Baby Girl will need rest for two weeks. The nurse gave her a prescription and they went home the next day. Baby Girl never saw her mother again. She met a good-looking and slick-talking musician, like there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s any other kind, and became a mother at 18. So young and na\u00c3\u00afve.<\/p>\n Baby Girl was unable to feel sorrow, fear or pain. She could, however, feel anger. This wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t difficult considering all the horror she went through with her mother. One day, the women had it out and it became physical. Baby Girl lifted her mother off the ground by the throat. The brother-in-law grabbed Baby Girl from the back but the 21-year old was too damn strong. She punched him in the belly and he fell back. Baby Girl made a mental note to finish him later. She felt her mother prying off from the tight grip but to no use. Lonely One turned blue and the veins on her forehead became enlarged. Baby Girl was very close in killing her until she felt something familiar, yet alien. A soft touch caressing her cheek. It felt warm, inviting and strange. Baby Girl never knew what kindness was until her aunt Coraz\u00c3\u00b3n gave her a sample. How was it possible to be on earth for 21 years and not know kindness? She turned around slowly, not giving up the smoothness of her aunt\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s touch. Baby Girl gushed.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Your mother tried to spare you from the hell she and I get went though. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t agree what she did but that doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t matter now,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Coraz\u00c3\u00b3n said. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Other than anger, pain and sorrow, you are unable to feel happiness. The women in our family are cursed with this tragedy. I guess Lonely One was trying to relieve you of the misery. But, Baby Girl you still respond to the human touch which is so important for the spirit. Without that, you would be truly lost.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n Coraz\u00c3\u00b3n\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s words rang loudly in Baby Girl\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ears as she stared at her daughter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s photograph. Her baby was so young. So beautiful. So damn free. She won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have to endure pain, misfortune or do penance for her mother\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s crime. No Little One is spared all that nonsense. But Baby Girl envied her daughter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s capability to feel. The bad along with the good. She was able to experience it all and tell about it. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t put Little One through that horrific surgery. She wanted what her moms denied her. She wanted to see Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s facial expressions and body movements demonstrate those feelings. What it felt like when she won a scholarship to Spelman College to bawling hysterically when she caught her man cheating on her with a light-skinned, long weave wearing heifer.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153She got a better deal,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Baby Girl thought. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even mourn my daughter\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s death. What kind of mother am I?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she softly aloud. The Aryan jotted down some notes.<\/p>\n She\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in shock,<\/em> Baby Girl imagined him thinking, and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why she isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t responding.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153If only he knew,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d she said silently.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll leave you alone,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he said shutting the door behind him. She exhaled years of build up tension in one smooth breath. Still no tears for Little One. Baby Girl was so focused on the picture she didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice a cool breeze coming through on a very hot July day in Los Angeles. She didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t feel the breeze go up her leg making her Dolce & Gabbana form fitted skirt rise, like the way Marilyn Monroe\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s dress did in that infamous pose. She didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t notice that same breeze continuing upward, giving comfort to her chest, cheeks, eyes and lying coolly on her forehead. The remnants allowed a few whispers to blow through her dark hair. It wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t until Coraz\u00c3\u00b3n spoke that Baby Girl noticed her aunt. She touched her niece\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s cheek, the same spot she stroked many years ago. It still worked. Almost instantaneously, Baby Girl wailed. Her yell shook the room, the walls, the ground and the two of them. So much pain and agony gone after so many years. She vomited pain and agony until the very last drop dangled. This time, when Baby Girl saw Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s picture she was able to mourn her daughter properly. She pressed the picture against her heart and for two seconds exactly, she felt Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s despair. Her last few moments on earth. Before Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s death. Before her mother Baby Girl killed her. Slit her throat actually. Baby Girl learned that from Toni Morrison\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s novel Beloved when Sethe killed her child to avoid slavery, like runaway slave Margaret Garner who Sethe is based upon. Some call it infanticide or murder. But Baby Girl saw it as salvation. She found out a few months ago that Little One would grow up incapable of feeling compassion. The father\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s emo gene was faulty and Baby Girl didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t have one. So together, they created a child with and on and off switch for feelings. It could happen. It could not. This way Little One would\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve to endure anymore distress. She thought she was doing her daughter a favor. Now she wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t sure. All she tried to do was spare Little One. Now, it seems selfish. Little One won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a wife or a career woman or a stay-at-home mom. These choices are gone. She had more questions than answers. She felt a lone tear run down. An actual tear. She didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t dare wipe it away for fear another one won\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t follow. But it did. And another. And another. She looked up and saw Coraz\u00c3\u00b3n, Lonely One and Little One. All three wore flowing white satin dresses with lace trim. A ray of light shined behind them. Baby Girl felt their love go through her heavy body. Suddenly, she felt lighter.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You have a second chance Baby Girl. Make the best of it,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d said Lonely One.<\/p>\n It was the last thing Baby Girl remembered before collapsing. When she awoke, two days later, she was in hospital room. The nurse next to her bed asked if she knew where she was. Baby Girl shook her head.<\/p>\n \u00e2\u20ac\u0153You\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re in the hospital,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d the nurse replied. The nurse laughed and explained that Baby Girl was found by a neighbor inside her apartment who had a spare key and let herself in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" She sat perfectly still when they told her Little One, her daughter, died. Baby Girl didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t move, say a word or even blink when the cop told her they found the 14-year old\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s body lying in a ditch. Little One\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s been there for a month. A couple of girls found her when they were out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[9],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=157"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":158,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157\/revisions\/158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.maryemontoro.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Was this how slave Margaret felt? Did she question what she did like I am right now?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Baby Girl thought.<\/p>\n
\n\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Who\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s sick?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p>\n